It's all coming together...

     Finally, the truth is out! After 50 years of meditation on the subject I have descended mount XuZu and returned to the world of men to expose my most truthful and insightful discoveries to the people of earth! I have for many years been translating ancient Babylonian Scrolls, and from them I gathered my first glimpses of an alternate world billions of miles away known as... MIDDLE-ALAGASIABOO!


      For many years I deduced and applied extremely abstract reasoning to the vague, incomplete and sparse facts I had. I have discovered the hidden truths behind three highly acclaimed supposedly fictitious stories attributed to "authors" who in reality are immortal interworldly travelers from alternate dimensions! But now I must get to the point and reveal to you the facts which have long been withheld from you*.

      In a time of blackness and chaos, there was created the planet Middle-alagasiaboo. At first there existed only primitive lifeforms known as "the amalgamationists". Then, after their demise, on a certain continent there was created a race of dragons of the friendly-sort (some speculate they might have been of Chinese origin) some creatures similar to giant-goat-men known as urgals, and a race of warlike midgets known as dwarves. Then some elves, having traveled through time and space, arrived randomly on said continent hereafter to be known as "Alagasia". These races fought a war and eventually resolved their differences; and were joined by some humans who had either traveled from our world or will sometime in the future, possibly through some wardrobe. They lived happily together until an evil king named Galbatorix arose, and destroyed the Dragon Riders who were the protectors of that land. Then, a new Rider arose and eventually destroyed the tyrant.
     
      The elves and a few representatives of the other races sailed off to find a new continent, or to find the place that they had originally come from (because the secret of their other worldly homes had been lost through the many generations.) They found a large and bountiful continent and settled down quite happily with the current residents of that land which were known as hobbits.

      Gradually, the dragons became smaller and evil, and the urgals degenerated though a series of evolutionary changes into orcs and goblins; creatures of the dark and underground places. One of these dragons, whose name was Shrukian, had been the unwilling servant of the evil tyrant Galbatorix, and had to have many sessions of psychiatric help. However, this failed to heal the twisted torment of his soul and he exploded from sheer hatred of self and all reality creating a spherical ball of power (resembling an "eye"). This was the dark lord Sauron. He ruled over middle earth with fear and terror and the use of certain rings he made until he was destroyed by some hobbits, elves, dwarves and lots of men. Then, the elves all said away back to Alagasia, which they had almost forgotten over the centuries.

    Many millenia passed...
   
    Then suddenly and without warning, the last king of Middle Earth, tired of his eternally peaceful and prosperous rule, spoke the deplorable word and the planet exploded! Leaving only a small remnant, which had been the core of the planet. However, before this happened, all of the elves realized immediate danger, manufactured a mystical time machine and transported themselves millions of years into the past which is how they arrived in Alagasia in the first place.

Anyway...

      A small group of humans survived and built a civilization on this new planet, and called it Naboo. Also, a new galaxy was formed by the inverted black hole created by the explosion. In this galaxy people modified by the explosion and strange alien-ish creatures created by the freakish inter-dimentional kinetic residue dwelt together in peace and harmony. The modified people became known as "Jedi" and formulated a strange religion to worship the new universe around them. Then the people dwelling on the new-old world of Naboo discovered that a strange race of bug eyed weirdos had lived in the oceans of the old planet's core from the beginning of time. These strange creatures called themselves Gungans, and considered themselves superior to all humans.

     The people of the Galaxy traveled amongst themselves and formed a republic. This republic, because of an evil Jedi (or "Sith Lord") became an evil empire. Then, in a unprecedented parallelism of the space-time continum, a young Jedi threw down the evil emperor in almost the exact same way as the young Dragon rider that arose to destroy Galbatorix (whom I mentioned earlier if you recall).

    Finally (thank goodness), the authors (also mentioned earlier) traveled to our world from Naboo using ancient blueprints of the elves random mystical time/space traveling machine thing and told incomplete histories of their world which were published as bestsellers and/or Epic Movies!

    Thus you can see how everything fits together. It only takes a genius like myself to see it.

*In this essay


(Special thanks to Helen who did the typing and summarizing and storytelling and well... most of the work)

Neil's Book Review 2

Book 4: Webster' Dictionary

***

good use of vocabulary but became wordy and dull after...    the introduction.

Book 5: Starwars 3: Revenge of The Sith

****

I LOVED this movie-WAIT!                   ...oops, movie, sorry bout that one.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I Have hacked Neils blog!! (Shhhhh don't tell him!) I will now proceed to erase everything - Ohh Hey neil, when did you get here? No, no, NO, NOT THE FACE!!! AGHHHHHHHHH THE PAIN!!!!! LIGHTS FADING, LIMBS growing cold... I see... THE LIGHT!!! TO THE LIGHT I RUN!!! I'm almost there... Wait, WHAT!!! NOOOOOOO I'M, STILL... ALIVE!!!!!!!!! DARN YOU NEIL!!!!!!!!

Sincerily,  Kevin (hehehe)

 i m sorry about that and i promise kevin will NEVER come over to my house... EVER AGAIN!

'Book' 6: The Declaration Of Independence

*****

Loved the rebellious spirit of this one and am surprised at how this book is effecting culture today.

Book 7: Saxon's Algebra 1

*

Terrible story line yet very thought provoking. To many loose ends that remain untied but poses some interesting problems.

Neil's Book Review

i have seen it fitting to expand my line of work to reviewing books

Book 1: On Woodchucks 

*****

here is a sample from the book

how much wood could a woodchuck chuck 

if a woodchuck could chuck wood

he would chuck as much wood

as a woodchuck could

if a wood chuck could chuck wood

This short poem explores issues with both abstract reasoning and wishful thinking. By my standards is one of the most thought provoking and subtly logical, almost witty, poems of our time and possibly all time. I highly endorse it and support all aspects of this great work of literature.

Book 2: The Holy Bible 

*****************************

Defiantly the best work of all time,

Truly inspired.

Book 3: The Canterbury Tales

****

This book defiantly needed some more work before publication, and at times was hard to understand.

However i would suggest this book...         but i've never read it so i can not in good conscience.

That's all for today but keep an eye out for more reviews later.